Creative COVID Crisis

This one doing its rounds on Whatsapp. Kudos to the creator!

We all have to be careful because I read that people are facing mental health issues from being isolated for so long.

In fact, I have been discussing with the microwave and toaster during coffee break and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he has been acting very cold and distant.

The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked for his opinion. He didn’t say anything but the doorknob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to pull myself together.

The vacuum was very unsympathetic and told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over.

In the end, the iron straightened me out. She said everything will be fine and no situation is too pressing!

Longer than the English alphabets

While surfing through the net, I came across this name on a obituaty website.

Sivapathasomasuntharalingam!

All in one word with 28 English alphbets.

If dissect the name, one will end up with at least 5 Tamil names.

Siva-patha-soma-sunthara-lingam.

However the trader from Northern Province of Jaffna, Sri Lanka has shorten his name to Sivapatham.

Just wondering how he managed to write his name on a passport form or on the online forms?

Rest in peace Sivapathasomasuntharalingam!

Is Hell exothermic (release heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Believe  this is a response by a  student  which is shared via internet which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Question :  Is Hell exothermic (release heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct….. ….leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

END IS NEAR (Friday funnies)

Hello

After a long silence I am back on my blog. Hope you all had a great year so far.  Below is a joke arrived in my in box. Thought I will share with you . Have a great weekend.

Saba

12.04.2018

 

END IS NEAR

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish on the border of Northern Ireland and Southern Ireland, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.

One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says,

“THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW,
BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.”

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,

“Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don’t need your lectures.”

From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash.
Shaking his head, Father Patrick says “Dat’s da terd one dis mornin’.”

“Yaa,” Sean agrees, then adds, “Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say “BRIDGE CLOSED”?

 

 

(creator unknown)

DOGGIE FOR A WALK

 

 A little girl asked her mother, “Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”

 Mum replies, “No, because she is on heat. “

 “What’s that mean?” asked the child.

 “Go ask your father, I think he’s in the garage.”

 The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat, and to come to you.”

 Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.”

 He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, that should take care of that problem.

You can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”

 The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later but with no dog on the leash.

 Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”

 The little girl said, “She ran out of petrol about halfway around the block, so another dog is pushing her home. “

 

(An email humour – Author Unknown)

The Squirrels

There were five houses of religion in a small town:

The Presbyterian Church,

The Baptist Church,

The Methodist Church,

The Catholic Church

and The Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and house of prayer was overrun with pesky squirrels.
The Presbyterians called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery which is a tank for administering baptism by immersion. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation.  So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town.

Three days later…,   the squirrels were back.

The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution.

They baptised the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on their weddings, children’s baptism, Christmas and Easter.

The Jewish Synagogue reverted back to old tradition. They caught one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven’t seen a squirrel on the property since.

 

PS:

The above joke is via an e-mail

I was impressed…..

I called an old school friend and asked what was he doing.

He replied that he is working on,

“Aqua-thermal  treatment of ceramics, Aluminum and steel under a constrained environment”.

I was impressed……

On further inquiring I  have learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water…..under his wife’s supervision.

I was astounded by his creativity  and the command of language!!!

Bravo

(from one of the e-mail rounds)

Ceiling fans ( A Tuesday funny)

I just couldn’t resist sharing this  joke during  US polling day :

A man died and went to Heaven.

As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks
behind him.
He asked, “What are all those clocks for?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been
on earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.”

“Oh”, said the man. “Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s”, replied St. Peter. “The hands have never
moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Incredible”, said the man.

“And whose clock is that one?”

St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire
life.”

“Where’s Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton’s clocks?” asked the man.

St. Peter replied, “We’re using them as ceiling fans.”

Generation Gap!

 

Generation gap in hair styles (Via face book)

Oh English!