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END IS NEAR (Friday funnies)

Hello

After a long silence I am back on my blog. Hope you all had a great year so far.  Below is a joke arrived in my in box. Thought I will share with you . Have a great weekend.

Saba

12.04.2018

 

END IS NEAR

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish on the border of Northern Ireland and Southern Ireland, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.

One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says,


“THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW,
BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.”

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,

“Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don’t need your lectures.”

From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash.
Shaking his head, Father Patrick says “Dat’s da terd one dis mornin’.”


“Yaa,” Sean agrees, then adds, “Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say “BRIDGE CLOSED”?

 

 

(creator unknown)

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DOGGIE  FOR A WALK

 

 A little girl asked her mother, “Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”

 Mum replies, “No, because she is on heat. “

 “What’s that mean?” asked the child.

 “Go ask your father, I think he’s in the garage.”

 The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat, and to come to you.”

 Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.”

 He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, that should take care of that problem.

You can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”

 The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later but with no dog on the leash.

 Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”

 The little girl said, “She ran out of petrol about halfway around the block, so another dog is pushing her home. “

 

(An email humour – Author Unknown)

The Squirrels

There were five houses of religion in a small town:

The Presbyterian Church,

The Baptist Church,

The Methodist Church,

The Catholic Church

and The Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and house of prayer was overrun with pesky squirrels.
The Presbyterians called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery which is a tank for administering baptism by immersion. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation.  So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town.

Three days later…,   the squirrels were back.

The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution.

They baptised the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on their weddings, children’s baptism, Christmas and Easter.

The Jewish Synagogue reverted back to old tradition. They caught one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven’t seen a squirrel on the property since.

 

PS:

The above joke is via an e-mail

I was impressed…..

I called an old school friend and asked what was he doing.

He replied that he is working on,

“Aqua-thermal  treatment of ceramics, Aluminum and steel under a constrained environment”.

I was impressed……

On further inquiring I  have learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water…..under his wife’s supervision.

I was astounded by his creativity  and the command of language!!!

Bravo

(from one of the e-mail rounds)

Ceiling fans ( A Tuesday funny)

I just couldn’t resist sharing this  joke during  US polling day :

A man died and went to Heaven.

As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks
behind him.
He asked, “What are all those clocks for?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been
on earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.”

“Oh”, said the man. “Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s”, replied St. Peter. “The hands have never
moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Incredible”, said the man.

“And whose clock is that one?”

St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire
life.”

“Where’s Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton’s clocks?” asked the man.

St. Peter replied, “We’re using them as ceiling fans.”

branco-trump-and-hillary

Generation Gap!

 

Generation Gap!

Generation gap in hair styles (Via face book)

Oh English!