Tag Archive | church jokes

The Squirrels

There were five houses of religion in a small town:

The Presbyterian Church,

The Baptist Church,

The Methodist Church,

The Catholic Church

and The Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and house of prayer was overrun with pesky squirrels.
The Presbyterians called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery which is a tank for administering baptism by immersion. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation.  So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town.

Three days later…,   the squirrels were back.

The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution.

They baptised the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on their weddings, children’s baptism, Christmas and Easter.

The Jewish Synagogue reverted back to old tradition. They caught one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven’t seen a squirrel on the property since.

 

PS:

The above joke is via an e-mail

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From Church to home…(Friday Funnies )

At Sunday School they were teaching how God 

Created everything, including human beings.


Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him
How Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.


Later in the week his mother noticed him lying
Down as though he were ill,


And she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’ Little
Johnny responded,


‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have
A wife.’

THE END IS NEAR – an e-mail joke

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish on the border of Northern and Southern Ireland.
Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.

One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says,


“THE END IS NEAR.

TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.”


As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,
“Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don’t need your lectures.”
From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash.
Shaking his head, Father Patrick says “Dat’s da terd one dis mornin’.”
“Yaa,” Sean agrees, then adds, “Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say “BRIDGE CLOSED”?