There were five houses of religion in a small town:
The Presbyterian Church,
The Baptist Church,
The Methodist Church,
The Catholic Church
and The Jewish Synagogue.
Each church and house of prayer was overrun with pesky squirrels.
The Presbyterians called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.
In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery which is a tank for administering baptism by immersion. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town.
Three days later…, the squirrels were back.
The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution.
They baptised the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on their weddings, children’s baptism, Christmas and Easter.
The Jewish Synagogue reverted back to old tradition. They caught one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven’t seen a squirrel on the property since.
As the American Air Force One lands at the Heathrow Airport, President of the United States strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 300 year old carriage driven by six white horses. They continue on, towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.
Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire.
The smell is so atrocious that both passengers in the carriage has to use handkerchiefs over their noses.
The incident shakes the coach, but, the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident. The Queen politely turns to President and says:
“Mr President, please accept my deepest regrets… I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control.”
The President, always trying to be “Presidential,” responded:
“Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought… Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.”