Tag Archive | e-mail jokes

The Squirrels

There were five houses of religion in a small town:

The Presbyterian Church,

The Baptist Church,

The Methodist Church,

The Catholic Church

and The Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and house of prayer was overrun with pesky squirrels.
The Presbyterians called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery which is a tank for administering baptism by immersion. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation.  So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town.

Three days later…,   the squirrels were back.

The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution.

They baptised the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on their weddings, children’s baptism, Christmas and Easter.

The Jewish Synagogue reverted back to old tradition. They caught one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven’t seen a squirrel on the property since.

 

PS:

The above joke is via an e-mail

I was impressed…..

I called an old school friend and asked what was he doing.

He replied that he is working on,

“Aqua-thermal  treatment of ceramics, Aluminum and steel under a constrained environment”.

I was impressed……

On further inquiring I  have learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water…..under his wife’s supervision.

I was astounded by his creativity  and the command of language!!!

Bravo

(from one of the e-mail rounds)

World-Wide Survey of the United Nations (Friday Funnies XXXI)

A world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the United Nations.

The only question asked was: 
   
“Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”  

UN declared that the survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant

In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.

In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.

In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.

In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.

In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.

In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.

And in Australia, New Zealand, Canada and Britain, citizens hung up the receiver as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Queen cannot control (Friday Funnies XXII)

As the American Air Force One lands at the Heathrow Airport, President of the United States strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 300 year old carriage driven by six white horses. They continue on, towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire.

The smell is so atrocious that both passengers in the carriage has to  use handkerchiefs over their noses.

The incident shakes the coach, but, the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident. The Queen politely turns to President and says:

Mr President, please accept my deepest regrets… I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control.”

The President, always trying to be “Presidential,” responded:

Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought… Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.”

 

(Received as an e-mail)

The Hare and the Tortoise (Friday Funnies #X)

The Hare and  the Tortoise  (Friday Funnies #X)

He has done it again!

CLEVER DEFINITIONS (Friday Funnies # VIII)

Witticism makes the difference. Here are some words which should be added to the Dictionary.

 

ADULT

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR

A place where women curl up and dye!

CANNIBAL

Someone who is fed up with people

CHICKENS

The only animal, human consume before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE

A body that keeps minutes and waste hours!

(If Moses had one of these Israelite would be still in Egypt!)

EGOTIST

Someone who  is usually me-deep in conversation.

INFLATION 

Cutting money in half without damaging the note.

SECRET

Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE

The pain that drives you to extraction.

YAWN

An honest opinion openly expressed!

WRINKLES

Something that other people have, similar to my character lines.

( Source: unknown)

 

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