Four in between five (brain teaser)

Mathematician: Can u write 4 in between 5?

China: Is this a Joke?

Japan: Impossible!

America: The question’s wrong.

UK: Not found on Internet.

India: F(IV)E

World-Wide Survey of the United Nations (Friday Funnies XXXI)

A world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the United Nations.

The only question asked was: 
   
“Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”  

UN declared that the survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant

In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.

In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.

In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.

In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.

In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.

In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.

And in Australia, New Zealand, Canada and Britain, citizens hung up the receiver as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Respect cannot be cultivated

Respect is something you earn,

You cannot beg, borrow or steal it.

It is a process of  right doings

- Graeme A.S. Browne -

Dawn of another Year…

Dear friends

I wish you all a very happy 2015.

Eight days have already disappeared, in other words we have 51 weeks more. As usual everyone would have made a few new-year resolutions and some may have been already broken their pledges as I had.

A friend of mine from Iowa sent a newspaper cutting along with her new-year wishes and I thought I will share that with you.

Dawn of another year

I am Free

A young life was abruptly taken away at the age of 18. A freak accident plucked the young university student from his parents, relatives and his friends.

The pain of agony was felt at his funeral service. There was not a single dry eye at the service. His family and his friends gave him a glorious send-off.

On behalf of the young spirit I like to share a poem attributed by an unknown author.

 

 

I’m Free

 

Don’t grieve for me for now I’m free!

I’m following the path God laid for me.

I took his hand when I heard Him call,

I turned my back and left it all.

 

I could not stay another day

To laugh, to love, to work or play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way.

I found peace at close of day.

 

If my parting has left a void

Then fill it with remembered joy!

A love shared, a laugh, a kiss

Ah yes! These things I too will miss.

 

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,

I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow

My life’s been full, I’ve savoured much,

Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.

 

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,

Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your heart and share with me,

God wanted me now, HE SET ME FREE…..

 

            -Author Unknown-

She had the guts! (Friday Funnies)

An airline flight was cancelled at a busy airport and a single ticketing agent was re-booking a long queue of inconvenienced travellers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.

He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”

The agent replied, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first; and then I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

The  demanding passenger was unimpressed.

He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.

“May I have your attention, please?” she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

“We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14.”

 

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, “F*** You!”

 

Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to get in line for that, too.”

 

(circulated via e- mail)

Didn’t I tell you? (late Friday Funnies)

This is a story of a happily married couple for many years.

The only problem in their marriage was the husband’s habit of ritual flatulence.

Every morning when he awoke, the “noisy whirlwind of his bowels” wake his wife and the stench would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She asked him to see a doctor: she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to blare them out.

Then one Christmas morning, as the wife was preparing the turkey and the husband was upstairs sound asleep.

she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl of internal parts of the turkey and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep.

She gently pulled the bed covers back and quietly pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

An hour later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked about the commotion upstairs.

He said, Honey you were right all these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.

What do you mean? She asked.

Well, you always told me that one day I would end up blazing my guts out and today it finally happened, but by the grace of God, and some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in………

 

(An  e-mail joke – Laughter is the best medicine)