Tag Archive | Humour

DOGGIE  FOR A WALK

 

 A little girl asked her mother, “Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”

 Mum replies, “No, because she is on heat. “

 “What’s that mean?” asked the child.

 “Go ask your father, I think he’s in the garage.”

 The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat, and to come to you.”

 Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.”

 He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, that should take care of that problem.

You can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”

 The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later but with no dog on the leash.

 Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”

 The little girl said, “She ran out of petrol about halfway around the block, so another dog is pushing her home. “

 

(An email humour – Author Unknown)

I was impressed…..

I called an old school friend and asked what was he doing.

He replied that he is working on,

“Aqua-thermal  treatment of ceramics, Aluminum and steel under a constrained environment”.

I was impressed……

On further inquiring I  have learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water…..under his wife’s supervision.

I was astounded by his creativity  and the command of language!!!

Bravo

(from one of the e-mail rounds)

Ceiling fans ( A Tuesday funny)

I just couldn’t resist sharing this  joke during  US polling day :

A man died and went to Heaven.

As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks
behind him.
He asked, “What are all those clocks for?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been
on earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.”

“Oh”, said the man. “Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s”, replied St. Peter. “The hands have never
moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Incredible”, said the man.

“And whose clock is that one?”

St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire
life.”

“Where’s Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton’s clocks?” asked the man.

St. Peter replied, “We’re using them as ceiling fans.”

branco-trump-and-hillary

Generation Gap!

 

Generation Gap!

Generation gap in hair styles (Via face book)

True blue Aussie! (Friday Funnies)

A Chinese citizen decides to migrate to Australia at the age of 50.

He bought a small piece of land near Mt Isa in the region of Queensland.

A few days after moving in, a friendly Aussie neighbour decided to go across and greet the new neighbour.

On his way up the drive-way he saw the oriental man running around in his front yard chasing a few hens.

Not wanting to interrupt the Chinese customs, he decided to put the welcome on hold for another day.

Next day the neighbour decided to visit again and as he was about to ring the door bell he saw the newcomer urinate into a glass and then drinking it.

The astonished Aussie not wanting to disturb yet another Chinese custom decided to postpone his welcome for another day.

A week later the neighbour decides to try his luck again.

But as he was walking up the driveway he saw his new neighbour leading a bull down the drive way, pauses and then put an ear next to the bull’s bum.

The Aussie who couldn’t handle this goes up to the Chinese and queried,

“Common mate, what the hell is it with your oriental customs?

One day you are running around the yard after chooks, next day you are pissing in a glass and now you had your head close to that bull’s arse.

The chinese man was taken back and said

“Sorry sir! These are no Chinese customs and I am learning the new Australian customs!”

“What do you mean mate?” said the Aussie “Those are not Australian customs”

“Yes they are!”

The travel agent man said to become a true blue Aussie , I must learn to chase chicks drink piss and listen to bull shit”

(source arrived in a mail)

New Google Doodle! (Friday Funnies)

Some do have the witticism!!!

New Google -Doodle on Friday funnies (photo credit : Unknown Joker)

New Google -Doodle (photo credit : Unknown Joker)

(photo credit : unknown joker)

An economic thinking of the Greek bail-out

A slow day in a little Greek Village .

The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this rainy day a rich German tourist arrived at  the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner that he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The hotel owner gave him  the room key, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmers’ Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him “services” on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.
No one produced anything.
No one earned anything.
However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that  is how the bailout package works.

(credit to the unknown thinker – Brilliant! )