Tag Archive | Humour

END IS NEAR (Friday funnies)

Hello

After a long silence I am back on my blog. Hope you all had a great year so far.  Below is a joke arrived in my in box. Thought I will share with you . Have a great weekend.

Saba

12.04.2018

 

END IS NEAR

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish on the border of Northern Ireland and Southern Ireland, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.

One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says,


“THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW,
BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.”

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,

“Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don’t need your lectures.”

From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash.
Shaking his head, Father Patrick says “Dat’s da terd one dis mornin’.”


“Yaa,” Sean agrees, then adds, “Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say “BRIDGE CLOSED”?

 

 

(creator unknown)

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DOGGIE  FOR A WALK

 

 A little girl asked her mother, “Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”

 Mum replies, “No, because she is on heat. “

 “What’s that mean?” asked the child.

 “Go ask your father, I think he’s in the garage.”

 The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat, and to come to you.”

 Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.”

 He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, that should take care of that problem.

You can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”

 The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later but with no dog on the leash.

 Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”

 The little girl said, “She ran out of petrol about halfway around the block, so another dog is pushing her home. “

 

(An email humour – Author Unknown)

I was impressed…..

I called an old school friend and asked what was he doing.

He replied that he is working on,

“Aqua-thermal  treatment of ceramics, Aluminum and steel under a constrained environment”.

I was impressed……

On further inquiring I  have learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water…..under his wife’s supervision.

I was astounded by his creativity  and the command of language!!!

Bravo

(from one of the e-mail rounds)

Ceiling fans ( A Tuesday funny)

I just couldn’t resist sharing this  joke during  US polling day :

A man died and went to Heaven.

As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks
behind him.
He asked, “What are all those clocks for?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been
on earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.”

“Oh”, said the man. “Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s”, replied St. Peter. “The hands have never
moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Incredible”, said the man.

“And whose clock is that one?”

St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire
life.”

“Where’s Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton’s clocks?” asked the man.

St. Peter replied, “We’re using them as ceiling fans.”

branco-trump-and-hillary

Generation Gap!

 

Generation Gap!

Generation gap in hair styles (Via face book)

True blue Aussie! (Friday Funnies)

A Chinese citizen decides to migrate to Australia at the age of 50.

He bought a small piece of land near Mt Isa in the region of Queensland.

A few days after moving in, a friendly Aussie neighbour decided to go across and greet the new neighbour.

On his way up the drive-way he saw the oriental man running around in his front yard chasing a few hens.

Not wanting to interrupt the Chinese customs, he decided to put the welcome on hold for another day.

Next day the neighbour decided to visit again and as he was about to ring the door bell he saw the newcomer urinate into a glass and then drinking it.

The astonished Aussie not wanting to disturb yet another Chinese custom decided to postpone his welcome for another day.

A week later the neighbour decides to try his luck again.

But as he was walking up the driveway he saw his new neighbour leading a bull down the drive way, pauses and then put an ear next to the bull’s bum.

The Aussie who couldn’t handle this goes up to the Chinese and queried,

“Common mate, what the hell is it with your oriental customs?

One day you are running around the yard after chooks, next day you are pissing in a glass and now you had your head close to that bull’s arse.

The chinese man was taken back and said

“Sorry sir! These are no Chinese customs and I am learning the new Australian customs!”

“What do you mean mate?” said the Aussie “Those are not Australian customs”

“Yes they are!”

The travel agent man said to become a true blue Aussie , I must learn to chase chicks drink piss and listen to bull shit”

(source arrived in a mail)

New Google Doodle! (Friday Funnies)

Some do have the witticism!!!

New Google -Doodle on Friday funnies (photo credit : Unknown Joker)

New Google -Doodle (photo credit : Unknown Joker)

(photo credit : unknown joker)