Tag Archive | funny

Who are the real Robbers? (Thought for the night!)

During a bank robbery, the bank robber shouted:

“Do not Move! The money belongs to the Government.”

 “Your life belongs to you!”

Everyone at the scene laid down quietly.

(This is a tactic referred as ‘mind changing concept’ – changing the conventional way of thinking)

 

During this time a woman laid on the floor provocatively – one of the robber yelled at her:

“Please be civilized! This is a robbery not a rape!”

(This is “being professional” -Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the robbers returned home with their loot,

The educated younger robber told the uneducated but experienced older robber

“ Big brother Lets count the money” 

The older robber rebuked:

“You are stupid!, there is so much of notes and it will take us all night and day to count. Wait for tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we have taken from the bank”
(Experience is more important than the paper qualification!)

After the robbers left the bank manager asked the supervisor to call the Police But the supervisor said to him:
“Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

(“Swim with the tide” Converting an unfavourable situation to your advantage!)

The supervisor says: It will be good if there is a robbery every month..”
(“Changing priority”  – Personal Happiness is more important than your job”)

The bank manager was happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.

“Seizing the opportunity” Daring to take risks!)
The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million.

So who are the real robbers here?

 

(Copied from an electronic mail)

Being a pauper (Friday Funnies)

“Today I had my first family planning lesson at school”

announced seven year old Sarah.

Her mother, very curious asked ” oh..How did it go?”

“I nearly died of shame” complained Sarah.

“Peter from next door says  the stork brings babies.”

photo credit: clip art.com

Photo credit: clip art.com

“Mary  my friend said that you can buy babies at the Orphanage”

“John in my class says that you can buy babies at the hospital”

“Mathew,  a doctor’s son said that his father says that you can make babies in a test-tube”

Her mother answered laughingly ” But that’s no reason to be ashamed”.

“No…but I cannot tell them that we were so poor that you and dad has to make me yourselves!”

(modified from an e-mail joke)

Where is Australia ?

Every country has their own unique animals and a way of living. Many questions are asked if a newcomer  visit  the country concerned..

The questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Toursim  Website.

It is amusing to read the hilarious answers given by a fellow Aussie. Vienna choir boys top the list 🙂

Flag of Australia

Flag of Australia (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1.  Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia?  I have never seen  it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around  watching them die.

2.  Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) 

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking

3.  Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad  tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water…

 

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“Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the Statue”

Most of the open-air statues are weather-beaten and further transformed by nature-calls of birds and animals. The mishap is drastic if the unlucky figurine is positioned next to a beach or under a large tree.

My childhood  memory of a statue was in Jaffna, Sri Lanka.  This particular scout sculpture was erected in a neighbouring compound of the old Jaffna Secretariat (Kachcheri) along the curvy part of Kandy road. (I wonder whether  this scout statue still exists after a generation of war).

In those days, the three-dimensional work of art was periodically painted in brown by the authorities but within hours, the sculpture would be challenged by their two-legged foes.  The culprits were the Chundikuli crows and the yellow beaked Indian Myna lived on adjacent  Mahogany trees.

The head of the scout statue would be transformed by the birds as their dinner table cum loo. The effect of white faeces against the bright brown statue was an amusement for young and old.

Below is a detailed scenario which I caught on an  e-mai circulation.  This could only happen in our dreams…. (author unknown)

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish.  I hereby give you the gift of life.  You have  30 minutes to do whatever you desire.”  And with that command, the statues came to life.

The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, “You still have fifteen  minutes.  Would you like to continue?”

The male statue looked at the female and asked, “Do you want to do it again?” Smiling, the female statue said, “Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I’ll shit on its head!

Courtesy: Google images