Where is Australia ?

Every country has their own unique animals and a way of living. Many questions are asked if a newcomer  visit  the country concerned..

The questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Toursim  Website.

It is amusing to read the hilarious answers given by a fellow Aussie. Vienna choir boys top the list 🙂

Flag of Australia

Flag of Australia (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1.  Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia?  I have never seen  it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around  watching them die.

2.  Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) 

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking

3.  Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad  tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water…

 

4.  Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) 

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5.  Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to  contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

A: Let’s not touch this one.

 6.  Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you  send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) 

A: What did your last slave die of?

7.  Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in  Australia?  (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.  Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which  does  not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night  in  Kings Cross. Come naked.

Location map of Australia Equirectangular proj...

Location map of Australia Equirectangular projection, N/S stretching 110 %. Geographic limits of the map: N: 9.0° S S: 44.5° S W: 111.5° E E: 155.0° E (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

8.  Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) 

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you  get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

9.  Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) 

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10.  Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA) 

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,  which  is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday  night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11.  Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don’t stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of  youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) 

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13.  Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) 

A: You are a British politician, right?

14.  Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female  population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) 

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15.  Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) 

A: Only at Christmas.

16.  Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany) 

A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

17.  Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year  round? (Germany) 

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter  gatherers. Milk is illegal.

18.  Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense  rattlesnake serum. (USA) 

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All  Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and  make good pets.

19.  Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but  I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) 

A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they  drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking  underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human  urine before you go out walking.

Australian drop bear

Australian drop bear (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

20.  Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact  the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help?  (USA) 

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

21.  Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) 

A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

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